you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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