My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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