My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize