people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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