is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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