We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize