Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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