how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
