this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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