it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
how does that bad decision feel?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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