It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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