wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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