I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
