so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
