He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
