I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
