i think my mom watched the whole time
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
