So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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