call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
whose parrot is this?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
