8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
third nipple confirmed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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