JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
