I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
