sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
