Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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