I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
