my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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