girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Boobs speak an international language.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
