the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize