Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
