I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
