i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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