The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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