i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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