Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is wine microwaveable?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
