I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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