I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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