i just had sex bonerless
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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