The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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