Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
