You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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