i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just gift wrapped bread.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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