Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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