I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
