I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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