tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
