420 ftw
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
