Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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