If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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