so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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