omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
