remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
