So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize