that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
