grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't think brook has ever known best
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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