WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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