Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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