Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
