He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
