His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
