sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
only you would photoshop your dick
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
