Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
