Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
