I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
