so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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