don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
