i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
