My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
