Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
