Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
