Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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