its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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