i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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