i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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