The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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