I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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