at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
