I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
