I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
