He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
