So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
